Adventures of the Mind

Did I tell you that part of my final project for the Intro to Grad. Study So You Had Better Get Used To All The Mindless Shit We're Going To Make You Do So You Don't Really Learn Anything But At Least We Have Jobs And You're Entering One Of The Worst Job Markets In Years In Fact You Think You're Degree Is Going To Mean Anything Well Think Again Why It Might As Well Be Toilet Paper Hey Don't Get Pissed At Us We'll Hold Up Your Final Write Off On Your Thesis For Fifty Years was to collect 100 bibliography entries from three libraries. I had to use SFSU library, Berkeley's Library, and one other library. So I've got shit-loads and shit-loads of stuff from SFSU Library, and I got like five things from SJSU Library, and yesterday (thursday), I clamped onto a BART with one of those industrial strength magnets and flew all the way to Berkeley. He did have this strange clothes eating fetish though. I mean some people are just so strange. And BART didn't want to give me a cow or he didn't want me to invest in cows or maybe he was one of those animal rights activists who want everyone to be complete and utter vegomatics as if that is ever going to happen so don't eat the flesh of anything that utters the sacred mu now that would be such a profound thing to hide behind the guise of an ordinary evening cartoon just like all the other sunday night at eight cartoons that are around. I mean they just pop up everywhere don't they. It's like there is a new cartoon every night at six on number 44, but the thing is I always get the damnedest sense of de'ja'vu or what the fuck I've heard that joke before whenever I turn into one of those cartoons which is painful in and of itself. I mean have you ever turned into a cartoon? It's no run naked through the streets of Portland screaming about how we're all going to die in one big multi-orgasm but how would we know because we won't even survive the first few mulligan-seconds of the end of the world but turning into a cartoon is just so strange it's really like having your feet turned into little pieces of colored plastic that are photographed at a rate that would make you so bored that you would die and then you would want to invest in really real estate in the lower republic of humming-bird feet and then you would get really bored and start thinking about writing a novel and then a novelty that would just have to come complete with a pop-up-and-run away roof and then disintegrated so that you would shoot through the air only to be cloned and reintegrated onto so many little reintegration boxes in so many homes you could keep your sanity from joining a religious cult anymore and the next thing you know you're sending your life-savings of fifty-two cents to Jerk-Off Well because he was admitting to having sinned in some really neat and interesting ways but he felt so bad about it that he just had to tell everyone all over TV land how good it was and it was so good it reduced him to tears and if that isn't the kind of thing that makes me want to convert just so I could get some of that really good sex then I don't know what I would do with the rest of the world besides use it for a vibrator and how would you know unless you've ever been turned into a cartoon so fuck off already.

oh, baby, you know what i like...

Adventures of the Mind – copyright © 1998 by keith d. jones – all rights reserved
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